Currently Listening Yankee Hotel Foxtrot By Wilco Kamera see related

Great way to meet a girl

Try almost drowning.  It makes a wonderful first impression.

Yeah, I was at the beach the other day and was talking to this tourist girl and her brother, who were impossibly older than they looked (ie, they both looked about 14 and 15, but she was 20 and he was 17), but anywho, I sink like a rock and I almost end up drowning.  Don't ask how, I just know that both she and I seriously thought I was gonna die.  Not just seemed like a possibility, we genuinely believed it.  It gets worse every year.  I sink faster and faster.  I fucking swam across Lake Geneva (that's right, a whole lake) three years ago, and I nearly die traveling forty feet.  Believe me, it's frustrating.  I barely made it to the ladder before damn near passing out on the dock.  I just layed there recovering for awhile.  My god I felt like crap.  Dylan had to drive my ass home and get a ride back to his car with Blaze.  I got home and lied down and had a cigarette that was ironically life-affirming.

That said, I felt like a damn jackass for the whole incident.  Seriously, how pathetic could I have looked?  I'm not normally one for impressions, but holy shit.  And fuck, I STILL feel sick.  I can't tell if it's because I'm bleeding internally, I swallowed loads of shitty (literally) water, or if it's just my bad diet (I'd hardly been eating jack) catching up with me, but my stomach has hurt for three days.  Someone make it stop.

So yeah, that's a problem with fire last week and water this week.  Shit, all I need to do is get caught in an earthquake and get struck by lightning and I've got all four elements covered and against me.  With the way this crap's been happening so much lately...  yeah, I'm probably gonna die soon.  Fuck that, someone tell me why I'm not dead yet.  I've dodged so many bullets it's not even funny.

"I've counted out days to see how far I've driven in the dark, with echoes in my heart.  Phone my family, tell 'em I'm lost on the sidewalk.  And no, it's not O.K.  I smashed a camera.  I wanna know why, to my eye, deciding which lies I have been hiding, which echoes belong."

Currently Listening Stadium Arcadium By Red Hot Chili Peppers Hard To Concentrate see related

Know what burns really fast?

I still plan on writing that post I promised last week, but for now I just GOTTA share this story.  It's good.  Like, I'm actually gonna put it in the long dead Adventures of J.J.

So today I'm sitting around at home today, because I'm done with school.  So I got this letter a few days ago from myself.  See, when we were sophomores, in health class we had to write ourselves a letter for when we were finishing senior year.  What with my problems and how different I am since then, I decided to burn it in effigy.  I did it on a gravel driveway, which is a nice, non-flammable surface.  As it falls apart, the smoldering pieces float off, along with that stupid piece of my past and scatter themselves.

It's worth noting that this year a lot of cottonwood and dandelions has been in the air.  A LOT.  And along my driveway and in my neighbors driveway, it's piled up and literally has blanketed parts of the ground.  It's quite something to see.

A smoldering piece lands in a pile of this and the shit burns faster than gasoline.

The flame spreads out and blankets a huge area of land in under five seconds while I stand, mouth agape, going "No fucking way.  No FUCKING way."  I hope against hope that because it's burning so fast, nothing will catch, but of course these had to be on top of dry leaves.  Fire is fucking EVERYWHERE, and there's no way in hell I can put this out.  So I do the right thing and call the fire department.  While I'm calling, the fire jumps to three OTHER areas and starts a small shed on fire.

The fire department shows up, puts the fire out, and then start telling me that I lit fire to all these different areas to try and burn shit down.  Because if that was the idea, I'd call them.  They didn't believe this fluffy shit burned.  Apparently they tested it and surprised the hell outta them, so I didn't get in shit for that.  That said, I'm probably going to court for this freak occurrence and possibly getting a fine for some kinda fire negligence thing.

How is it that big bad shit like this happens to me ALL THE FUCKING TIME?!?!?

I'll extend on this when I actually put in on my adventures.

"My lone ranger, the heat exchanger, is living in this figure eight and I'll do my best to recreate sweet precision and soft collision.  Hearts about to palpitate and I find it hard to seperate."

Currently Listening Sisters of the Red Death By Vendetta Red A Dark Heart Silhouette see related

I'll talk... Soon.

Alright, so I'm not dead.  I've had a lot of issues lately, though.  A lot of them.  And people have noticed I'm a bit off lately.  I haven't talked to a lot of people about them, but I've been close to cracking for two weeks now.  Kinda did Monday.  I think I literally went mental for a few hours.  But that's beside the point.  These past two weeks have been hell beyond what most of you can imagine in a two week period, and while I know I sometimes have a tendency to be, I'm not being melo- or over dramatic here.  It's been bad.  Like, not going to school bad.  I'm not going to talk about it tonight, but I'm not dead.  And I feel I should write about it soon.  So in the next few days, I'll spill.  'Til then, peace.

"I've got a secret.  A terrible secret.  And if I told you would you promise to keep it secret?  I just put my head down every time they call my name 'cause they never understand me anyway.  Every time you call my name..."

Currently Listening The Road Leads Where It's Led By Secret Machines Girl From The North Country see related

Hmm...  I came here to write.  Obviously.  I came to write about something.  But I'm here now, and I don't really feel like doing it.  Just didn't feel like leaving here with it still empty.  So yeah...  Sorry for wasting your time.

"So if you're travelin' in the north country fair, where the winds hit heavy on the borderline, remember me to one who lives there. She once was a true love of mine."

Currently Listening Catch Without Arms By Dredg Catch Without Arms see related

Future Uncertain

And I make a return to Xanga.  As is usually the case (except for recently) I'm here because writing helps me sort shit out, and quite frankly, my shit needs sorting.  So those expecting happy-go-lucky fun from good ol' J.J. can look elsewhere.

I've gone crazy-stressed tonight.  I stayed home from school because I felt kinda crappy.  Anyways, for those who didn't know, I planned on attending Columbia College in Chicago next year.  Problem: money.  I need a lot of it.  And I'm having trouble raising it.  Which sucks beyond how much any of you probably know, because it was the first and only school I have found that was truly PERFECT for me.  I'm trying, but it's a strong possibility I'll be stuck at UWGB for a semester, and then only hope I'll be able to make enough in scholarships to go somewhere worth a shitstain.

Along those lines, I need to make a decision on something FAST.  Next week I'm supposed to go to Washington D.C. for an advocacy trip for the full week.  The problem is school.  I'm way behind on my online Comparative Government class.  I'm worried about graduating as is, and I don't know if I can miss a week.  I may be able to finish the class if I go, I may not be able to if I don't, it could go any of the four ways.  I need to figure out if I should go, and just in case, how much I really care about walking across the stage to receive some document from a bag of gas with people I don't like.  But... it's graduation.  I don't know.  There's been some good stuff lately too, but that's between me and other people.  I'll end now and try to figure this stuff out.

"So sing about love, sing about lust so they will care... It's the same difference. That's what happens when you play catch without arms. That's what sets us apart. Well that's what happens when you compromise your art. That's what sets us apart."